Shopping
by PurpleRanger
Summary: Tony decides that everyone need clothes, so they embark on a shopping trip. Clint doesn't want to wear colors, Steve doesn't understand why things are expensive, and Tony just wants to bang his boyfriend in the dressing room. M for gay sex


**Disclaimer: **I don't own anything.

**Warnings: **gay sex and… yeah, that's all I can think of.

**Shopping**

"Shopping?" Thor repeated, raising one eyebrow as he looked down at Tony. "You would like the entire team to go out to go shopping?" He glanced around to see how everyone else was reacting: Bruce did not seem to be paying attention, and was using a stylus to scribble down equations on a tablet Tony had given him; Steve was nodding earnestly, liking the idea of team bonding, no matter what the activity was; and Clint and Natasha were rolling their eyes while conversing in quick sign language. Not for the first time, Thor wished the Allspeak would work on manual languages, just so he could understand his secretive friends.

"Yeah, shopping," Tony said with a decisive nod. "Natasha probably doesn't need anything, since she's all femme fatale and whatnot, but the rest of you are just sad. Steve, you have all those muscles and yet you insist on wearing those grandpa shirts and tucking them in. I know you're from the forties, but you could definitely do better. Thor and Bruce, you each own like two outfits in total, not counting Thor's battle armor. We're all famous now, and we're going to events so we can't have people always seeing you in the same clothes. Plus, Thor, I want you to be able to dress up when we go on dates. And, finally, Clint," he said, turning to the archer, who looked up with an expression of little to no interest, "you only wear black. Ever. When you suit up, you have a bit of purple, but the rest of the time you look like a goddamn undertaker. We're going to buy you something in a damned color."

Clint shrugged. "Just because you make me buy it doesn't mean I'll wear it," he pointed out. "I like wearing black. I'm a spy. It fits with my job and looks bitchin'. I'll go on the shopping trip because one, I don't want you to whine at me for the next week about not coming, and two, Nat wants to find a couple shirts and I can just hang out with her." He smirked as he got an idea. "I'm taking my hearing aids out, though, so I can't hear you annoying me, Tony," he added, popping the little electronics out of his ear canals and sticking them in a case, which he slid into his pocket before turning back to Natasha to continue their conversation.

"Come on, guys, let's go," Steve said, tapping Clint and pointing towards the door as they headed for the garage. "Two cars? Tony can take Thor and Bruce, and I'll drive Natasha and Clint?" he offered, peeling off towards the car he used with the two assassins following. He liked that he didn't always have to give them directions, and instead they would just… do it.

Tony slid behind the wheel of a sedan, waiting until Bruce got in the back, still writing and drawing away with a look of intense concentration, and Thor in the front, before turning on the car and heading out of the garage to go out to a nice, semi-exclusive mall on the outskirts of the city. The car was not nearly as fun to drive as one of his many classic convertibles, but right now it was practicality over style. Oh well.

"You two," he started, plucking the tablet from Bruce's hand and giving it to Thor without even looking back, wanting both of his friends to pay attention to him, "are going to buy some casual and some nice clothes, and that is final. For you, Bruce, that means another couple button-down, wrinkle free shirts and a few pairs of pants, and a full-on suit, and, as for Thor, you need some more t-shirts, jeans, and some nice clothes that are not from Asgard. I know those are an important part of your culture," he added, seeing Thor open his mouth to protest, "but they don't fit in with the dress code for Earth events, and most people would be confused by them."

"I understand," Thor said, nodding a little as he put Bruce's tablet in the glove compartment for the time being. "Must we buy all of this today, though? I would not like to spend the entirety of my day at the mall. The captain and I have plans to spar this afternoon, and I have arranged a chat over the Skype with my friend the lady Jane for this evening, as she would like to tell me about her new boyfriend."

"Your ex is talking to you about her new guy?" Bruce asked from behind the god. "Isn't that a little awkward for you?"

"No," Thor responded, sounding a little surprised at the idea it could be uncomfortable to discuss such a topic. "We did not really court each other. We spoke and there were some feelings, I suppose, but we did not spend enough time together for that to really matter. I speak to her about Tony, on occasion, so it seems fitting that she would tell me about her new suitor."

"What do you tell her about me?" Tony asked curiously, wondering if Thor complained or bragged or just told stories without any intent. "She's met me, you know, at a couple science conferences. So she knows all about how handsome and charming I am."

"Yes, she mentioned having met you. She was rather surprised that you are not a, well…" Thor smirked. "She remarked that she saw you more as a 'fuck and leave' type of man, and is impressed we have been dating for months."

"I've had a functioning, monogamous relationship before, you know, with Pepper," Tony pointed out. "It's a little obnoxious Jane only remembers my one night stand persona. Not that there's anything wrong with being a slut, I just finished being like that a while ago. It got to be less fun than it was before. Do you tell her nice things about me, like how I take you to dinner and we once walked through the zoo and you had fun even though you weren't allowed to ride the animals? You'd think they let you, since I have more money than anyone ever…"

"I read in Forbes that Bruce Wayne has a higher net worth than you do," Bruce said, casually butting in with a fact he had saved up for a while, wanting to see Tony's reaction.

"At least I'm out about being a superhero," Tony retorted instantly. He had read that article in Forbes too, and promptly taken the magazine out of all Stark Industries break rooms. "Who does he think he's fooling anyway? Batman has to be rich-look at all those gadgets and the cars-and Wayne's like the only rich person in that city who isn't involved with the Mafia."

"Bruce Wayne is Batman?" Thor asked loudly, eyes widening with genuine surprise. "Really? But Bruce Wayne seems so self-centered and spoiled, not like a hero."

"Thor, that also describes your boyfriend," Bruce pointed out.

"Um, not millionaire. Billionaire, with a 'b,' you guys," Tony corrected his teammates. "And yes, Thor, Wayne is Batman. We'll forgive you for not knowing because you split your time between New York and Asgard, so you're bound to miss news from Gotham. When did you get back from Asgard, anyway? Last night? You haven't been around for a couple weeks-I missed you, by the way-and then, bam, you were in the living room when I got up, watching cartoons with Clint."

"I arrived at four o'clock this morning," Thor answered. "I did not wish to wake you, as you often do not go to bed until that time, and you need your sleep. I was walking down the hall and Clint began to converse with me through one of the vents, so we decided to watch cartoons on the television after a meal. It was a nice time. Clint is a humorous man, though he lacks propriety."

Bruce laughed. "Of course he does, Thor. You grew up being trained to be a king, a member of the royal family, and he grew up as an orphan in the circus. Circus folk are not known for being terribly polite."

The conversation ceased as they pulled into the parking lot and found a spot, all of them getting out and stretching a tiny bit as they waited for Steve-a slower, much more cautious driver than Tony-to park in the spot next to them. Within a few minutes, they were walking into the mall, Tony deep in scientific conversation with Bruce, Natasha and Clint signing away rapidly, and Thor and Steve simply watching both conversations, wishing they could understand either of them.

"Do we all have to go into the same store at the same time?" Natasha asked suddenly. "I'm shopping for different things than you guys, since I need women's fashion, so I'd be in a different section, and probably on a different floor, so Clint and I can just-"

"Whoa there," Tony interrupted, holding up a hand. "You can't just steal the archer like that, he's getting new, colorful clothes whether he wants them or not. He can't come with you or else he won't get anything, or just get more black crap. He's coming with us." He smirked a little as Clint's face fell when Natasha translated.

"Fine," Natasha said, shrugging. "I'll come along with you guys until Clint gets the required amount of colorful clothes-which I am prepared to make him wear if I get offered something good in return-and then he and I will go somewhere else to search for a new skirt and a couple shirts for me. I'm apparently going to infiltrate some company that has a dirty old man for a CEO, and none of my skirts are short enough."

"I can help you find those, and judge them once you try them on," Tony offered, and then gave Thor an innocent smile when the god gave him a semi-serious glare. "Only joking, babe. Well, okay, not totally joking, but I'd only be looking."

"Clint and maybe our captain can be your shopping companions," Thor told Natasha, speaking a little slower than usual to let her interpret for Clint. "Tony will not be accompanying you, as we all know he would make many inappropriate comments and he does not want to sleep on the couch, now does he?" he added in a threatening tone, raising an eyebrow at his boyfriend.

"Good point, Thor, Clint knows far more about women's fashion than I do, guess I won't be needed," Tony said, nodding decisively as though he was the one who made the choice. "Now, can we all head to the casual men's section to get some clothes for everyone but Miss Romanova here?"

With levels of excitement varying from Steve's chipper grin to Clint's dragging feet, the team headed off to the men's section of a very upscale store whose name Thor had missed. "Do you believe they will have our sizes?" the god asked the super soldier, smiling. "It would be rather funny if Tony had dragged us all this way and the store did not have clothing big enough."

"That's a good question," Steve answered after a moment's though. "I mean, most larges are made thinking that the wearer will be bigger around the middle, not just tall with wide shoulders. Hopefully something will fit." He lowered his voice so Tony wouldn't hear. "Look, not to ask you to contradict your boyfriend, but is my style really that old fashioned?"

Thor nodded, not wanting to lie to his friend. "It seems to be a bit outdated, from the little I understand about Midgardian fashions," he said, trying to put it gently. "It does not look bad upon you, of course, but it looks very out of place. You do not blend in with the rest of modern society in those clothes."

Steve sighed. "I hate to say it, but I guess Tony is right. No offense meant, Thor, but if you can tell my clothes are out of place, it must be painfully obvious to everyone else."

Not offended in the slightest, Thor just grinned. "I believe you are right, Captain. I know the least about current fashion trends in this realm, so if I know something is off, it is very off indeed. Come, let us find some casual shirts. Would you prefer to stay with your current style, with collared shirts as casual, or move to wearing t-shirts and other non-collared shirts outside of the gymnasium?"

"I guess I should get some t-shirts, but I don't understand why I should get really expensive ones here instead of normally-priced ones at another store," Steve responded as he looked through the shirts being displayed. "Goodness, these are so expensive for t-shirts. I've gone to Target, you know, and they have similar shirts for a quarter of the price, you know…"

"These are better quality and will last longer," Tony explained, appearing by Steve's shoulder to pull out various shirts and hold them up. "For nicer shirts, we should get them tailored so that they are long enough but not so wide. These will hang a little loose on you, and you both are far too pretty to wear clothes that don't show off your various assets."

"But t-shirts we can get in regular sizes, right?" Steve asked, pulling a couple of shirts off the rack: one red and one green. "And long sleeves too?" he added, gesturing with his free hand toward a display of long sleeved shirts with a couple buttons at the neck. "I'd like to get a few warmer shirts for autumn."

"Do you even get cold after being frozen for seventy years?" Tony asked curiously, but he grabbed two long-sleeved shirts-a plain blue one and a grey and white striped one-from the shelf. "Yeah, these should fit. Just make sure to try everything on, though, in case they don't quite work." He turned to check on his boyfriend, and found the god holding four t-shirts and two button-down flannels, moving toward the jeans display. "See, Cap? You should be all motivated and independent like Thor there. He's on a mission and going to complete it."

Steve rolled his eyes. "I'm pretty sure he's just grabbing anything he likes so that he won't have to spend the whole day at the mall, Tony," he pointed out, but he followed his friend to look at pants. He picked out a few pairs of jeans and khakis easily, already knowing his size. "Should I get a couple nicer shirts now?" he asked, then turned to see that Tony was dragging Thor into a dressing room, with the other Avengers hanging out in chairs near the door. He walked over and sat down next to Bruce. "Are we all taking a break now that Tony isn't hounding us?" he asked the scientist, smiling.

"Sort of," Bruce responded, shrugging. "There's only one dressing room over here-I guess because the store is so exclusive? I'm not sure-so we're just waiting here for our turn to try things on." He grinned, jerking his head toward Natasha and Clint, who were clearly arguing. Natasha looked as calm and serene as ever, with just a hint of a smile playing at her mouth, but Clint was glaring and frowning angrily. "I'm pretty sure Hawkeye has just been told that his best friend in the whole world is going to make him wear those clothes."

Steve looked over at the archer, and couldn't help but laugh softly when he saw the cheerful, bright greens, reds, and purples of all the clothes Clint was holding over his arm while signing furiously. "I can't imagine even she will be able to get him into those. She can threaten all she wants, but he can always hide in the air vents or guilt her about having saved her life instead of killing her when Fury told him too. I imagine that logic never wears off."

In the dressing room, Thor was cheerfully stripping down to his boxer briefs to try on his new jeans and shirts. He had just taken off the first outfit-which fit perfectly and seemed to make Tony very happy-when he realized that his boyfriend had put all his clothes-both the ones he owned and those he was trying on-on the opposite side of the rather impressively large dressing room. "May I have some of the other clothes to try on?" he asked, holding out a hand.

Tony shook his head. "If those fit you, the other things will too, since they're the same brand and same size." He grinned widely. "But take off your underwear, Thor. We've got a good ten minutes in here. I'll tell everyone that I made you try on every combination of clothes."

Thor slid his underwear off and threw it in the corner to land on top of his other clothes. "I believe I can guess where this is going, Tony," he said in a throaty voice, smiling. "Just what am I going to be doing to you in here? Am I to fulfill any particular… fantasy?" he added curiously. A few months after they started dating and having sex, Tony had brought up something he called 'kink,' and was slowly introducing Thor to things that he liked or wanted to try, with no pressure to do them more than once if Thor wasn't into them. The god was greatly enjoying himself, and didn't have the heart to tell Tony that sex on Asgard was not as pure as the inventor might imagine, and he was thus not an amateur in all this, like the billionaire seemed to believe.

"Maybe we could… role-play?" Tony suggested, grinning. "You know, I pretend to be a certain person or character, you pretend to be a different person or character, and we fuck? Could be hot. But I don't know what we'd play…"

"The powerful god and the mere mortal?" Thor suggested with a smirk. "No, sorry, that isn't changing anything." He knew that Tony often got off on the fact he was having sex with someone who had been worshipped for centuries, and he didn't mind bringing it up now, if it got the other man nice and bothered. He reached down and began to stroke himself, wanting to get it up quickly as they only had a short amount of time in here to fuck. He might as well be ready to go from the start.

Tony pouted briefly, though his eyes lit up when he saw his boyfriend beginning to play with himself, clearly getting ready for a good, hard fuck. "First off, this mere mortal is a damn good lay, and second off, I want to do something _different_, Thor. Either a different role-play or some other kink. Please?"

Thor nodded. "I am perfectly willing to engage in this role-play or indulge a kink we have not tried-or one that we both like-but I need you to tell me what you would like me to do. You are wasting precious time, Tony, as now we only have eight and a half minutes in here."

Growling in frustration-with the time constraints, not with Thor-Tony decided on the first thing that popped into his head. "Lie down on your back," he demanded, yanking off his pants and boxers and straddling his boyfriend once the larger man was in position. He didn't want to waste any more time with undressing, so he left his two shirts on, not caring how silly he must look. "I sort of might be wearing a butt plug," he said, blushing a bit, "so I'm just going to pull it out and start riding you. No planned role-play or kink, just do or say whatever comes to mind." He reached behind himself and grabbed onto the base of the plug, which he pulled out slowly, hissing as he did so. It was long and thick, as he had wanted to be ready to ride Thor without any preparation whatsoever. "Ready?" he asked, setting the plug down on the floor to be reinserted when they were done.

Thor didn't respond verbally, and instead just grabbed Tony's hips and yanked him down, grunting loudly as his cock was suddenly enveloped in tight, squeezing heat. "Fuck, Tony," he growled, bending his knees and planting his feet so that he could start thrusting up.

Tony let out a short, strangled scream as Thor began to pound up into him, amazing the god had the strength and coordination to manage something he had never done before, not with any partner. "Yes!" he cried out, reaching down to grab onto Thor's shoulders and hold on for dear life as he let himself bounce around on his boyfriend's lap, cock slapping between their stomachs with obscene little noises.

Steve's face went from normal to white to scarlet as he heard a couple screams from the dressing room. "Are they…" he started, then swallowed and tried again. "Are they doing… it… in the dressing room?" he asked Bruce, sounding scandalized. "We are all right here!"

Bruce couldn't help but laugh. "Yeah, it sounds like it," he said, rolling his eyes. He patted Steve's arm comfortingly. "You get used to this shit. They sometimes go at it in the lab break room while I'm still working on something at my station, so I'm pretty good at tuning them out at this point."

Natasha pulled Clint over, signing something at him that made him put his hearing aids back in, then immediately take them back out, smirking. "Eew," he commented, though he didn't sound too disgusted by the noises. "You know, I sometimes have moments where I'm super stoked that I can't hear without these things, and this is definitely one of those moments. I expected this from Stark, but Thor? I thought he was more polite than this. He once gave me a lecture because I cussed while speaking to Fury, and Thor thinks you have to be more formal with your boss." He laughed. "Sucks that you guys have to listen, though."

"Don't get too proud of yourself," Natasha said, signing at the same time. "Some day you are going to be wandering with your hearing aids out, 'super stoked' that you can't hear them, and you'll accidentally walk in on them and we will see who's laughing then, Barton."

Clint's face fell. "Fuck, now I'm going to have to wear these everywhere," he muttered dejectedly.

Inside the dressing room, Tony had his head thrown back as he continued to let Thor do all of the work. "Fuck! Fuck! Right there! Oh!" he screamed out, in utter ecstasy as the god managed to pound up into him, hitting his prostate with every single thrust. "God, Thor, you… oh! OH!" He couldn't make a complete sentence and he didn't care.

Thor moaned in pleasure as he watched Tony squirm and claw at him in utter bliss. He loved that he was strong enough to do something unexpected like this and reduce Tony to an incoherent mess, and, yeah, it felt unbelievably good for him too. He looked through half-lidded eyes at the scientist's cock, which was leaking all over their stomachs as it slapped around between them. As good as it all felt, though, he knew that he had to end it soon. After all, they had to vacate the dressing room within a few minutes.

He braced his shoulders on the floor so that he was able to keep thrusting up roughly, and reached one hand up in front of Tony to grab the man's cock, jerking it firmly in time with his thrusts. "You need to get off soon," he growled commandingly. "You said ten minutes, you only have a couple left, so you had better fucking come."

"So hot when…" Tony gasped loudly, rolling his hips into Thor's hand as much as he could, "when you cuss, Thor. Fuck! Yes! I'm getting c-close," he added, panting for breath in between groans of absolute pleasure. He bit his lip as he felt his balls getting tight and then… "Yes! Fuck, Thor!" he cried out, cock dribbling come out onto their stomachs for a few seconds before he collapse forward onto the god's sloping chest, gasping for air.

Thor grunted loudly as Tony clenched around him wildly, thrusting up into the scientist just twice more before coming himself with a bellow, filling Tony up before letting his knees straighten and his whole body come back down to the floor, his boyfriend on top of him. "That… that was very good," he mumbled, stroking Tony's hair softly. He cleared his throat, though, as he looked up at the ceiling. "We should get dressed and leave, so the others do not suspect anything."

"No, Thor, you two take your time in there," came Bruce's amused voice. "We'll just ask them to hold these clothes for us while we hit up another store. See you in a few!"

Blushing, Thor groaned. "Tony, all of our friends heard us engaging in coitus," he told the other man. "This is most embarrassing. On Midgard, this is supposed to be a rather private act, is it not?"

Tony shrugged, too happily sated to really care. "Well, usually. You know, other people hearing or seeing you doing it is a specific kink, so maybe we could…"

Thor just smiled indulgently as Tony launched into a description of what he wanted to do next, willing to try anything that his boyfriend would like.


End file.
